Change & Me!!

Change is inevitable. Wether we plan for it or not it’s a fact of life that some embrace and some try to avoid altogether. For me change smells of “what if’s” and “what could be’s“. I like to think of it as if I dare to venture on a new journey what blessings may God have there and if I don’t dare to believe what miracles may I miss by sitting comfortably with my identity in tact and my dreams in the box? I have repeated a quote from my pastor many times, “When God puts a dream in your heart in HIS time he will bring it to completion. I’ve always loved that quote but I missed a little detail the first few times I heard it.  HIS time is a relative term for a God who time is no factor. While my successes and failures remain to be seen with every tic of the clock in my mind ,  he is sitting there calmly in the still of “knowing all”, as only he can. This is where my heart becomes weary. The changes we often pray for don’t always come in the form we would have chosen and suddenly all logic and control we never had is out the window as we slowly give in to the idea that there is a plan for each of us that we aren’t supposed to know about. In actuality we dream and work and we may not even really know what for because the God of the universe has a purpose that outweighs our earthly desires and motives. His  spirit so deeply within us that even as we aim to set goals he is hard at work for the kingdom that is to come. With every person he puts in our path, every door opened and every door slammed shut he orchestrated these moments in such a way that we will never be able to truly see until we come face to face with him. The unexpected changes such as, I’m expecting, was a huge pill to swallow. I’ve planned everything my whole life and I have never had to put my faith to test in this way before. I’m terrified, humbled, nauseated and for once out of “ my” own control which as my friend Lisa said, “you never had control”, and she is right. I’m learning to trust and know that our dreams pale in comparison to his plans.

I don’t know what you are waiting on , praying for or avoiding out of fear! I want you to know what God has shown me... Stop trying so hard to control the outcome and expect him to do what he said he would do. He will never leave you. Know that at this very moment you are where you were meant to be. You can’t mess up his plans for you. Even when we make mistakes the love of God covers us and our outcome is not based on our ability but his majesty. Give up your “ imaginary” control. Because that is indeed what the enemy uses to sit the weight of the world on your shoulders and sabotage your today! Today is all we have. Make it count.


Love,
Paula

Eden's Question

     It's 8:00 in a Sunday evening. I am scurrying around trying to get unpacked from a weekend away and brace myself for Monday. It's getting dark earlier lately so when I told Eden it was time for bed it went unquestioned. Thank goodness because if I can get everyone down by 9:00 that means I may actually have a little time to wind down before bed. You know the ritual. Faith was ready to be tucked in upstairs. Eden wanted to read me a bedtime devotional which is good for my thirtsty soul. Something about hearing a 7 year old voice reading me a simple verse or story is calming and puts me in a childlike state where life was much simpler. As she reads my mind goes to a family who is facing the terrifying consequences of a tragic accident, threatening the lives of both their daughters. I try to stop my mind from racing and look at her face and freeze time. These are the little moments I miss often while trying to achieve a "Super Mom" status.. Which by the way I have finally succumbed to the idea that perfection is overrated and I am fast approaching 40 and have finally had that revelation!! 

    So after the devotion we start to pray for this family and I tell her I love her more than anything in the whole world. Then comes the question..." Don't you love Jesus more than me?" I hesitated... Well of course I love Jesus more... I felt a bit guilt ridden because it sounded really good but something in my spirit hesitated. So I backtracked a bit. "Well Eden you know, I sometimes put you before Jesus. Sometimes I have a hard time imagining that I could love God more than you and Faith, I know he made me and he made you and if it were not for him neither of us would be here, but the truth is I need to love God more than I do. I guess to some degree I have worshipped you above him."

     She seemed  to understand my confession and we talked about it a bit.

I think it's a struggle a lot of us have in our daily lives. We make time for our children, family, friends and jobs. We barely have time for ourselves and God is often an afterthought or an emergency button we push in a crisis. So I left the room with a nudge from the Holy Spirit. He often uses children to teach us. This is a question we should ask ourselves often. At my home church Saturday I had a conversation with Herman. Herman is a super close family friend who I grew up with as I was best friends with his daughter. He told me when he wakes in the middle of the night he reads his bible  and prays for everyone. But it was more than that. He wasn't bragging. It was like he just could not get enough of Jesus. He talked in such a way that I could not even relate. Don't get me wrong I have had that before but I couldn't recall the last time. 

     I made a commitment in the quiet walls holding a tiny little hand last night. So I ask you. Do you love him first? 

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' (NIV, Mark 12:28-30)

Embrace the Bump!

Today was the day. The day we finally said good-bye to "Bibbles". Well over 7 months ago my youngest, Eden, got a little bump on her face. It actually looked like a zit. Like the little white kind that make a bump popping woman like me crazy just to look at it. Eden guarded herself against me if I even looked at it wrong. I guess you could say she had trust issues probably because she witnessed me torturing  her sister at the sight of any blemishes. I don't know where my obsession with this started but I just never could stand the thought of leaving one to go away without my efforts to relieve the puss on the other side. Gross I know , but stay with me...

God spoke to me today and reminded me of how even life's aggravating situations are not by mistake.  We all strive to get our lives in order just the way we want them and it never fails... Just when we think we've finally got it all together there it is.."BUMP".  

We all have had bumps to deal with and the more we try to deal with them on our own the worse it gets. I believe there is a purpose in the bumps in our lives. Bibbles for example landed my daughter a trampoline and  a barbie.(Don't judge me for bribing. I have a real problem!) I had to try to pop it before seeking a professional after all I am a pro! It also gave me a great excuse to work a half day and leave early for the appointment which led to a lunch with my baby and my husband at Chick Fil A before the divine appointment. All I could think was if it wasn't for Bibbles I would be working missing this blessing of the here and now. God used this opportunity to bless and I am so glad. Eden got picked on and almost everyone asked her about Bibbles yet she handled it with grace. She learned tolerance and compassion and did not let it get to her. 

When I was just 11 my mom got cancer. 2 years later my dad got cancer and somewhere in between my Grandmother passed while living with us. I was too young to understand the fear that was penetrating through the brick mortar of our home. While I hated seeing my parents sick it was one of the sweetest times in our family. I got to see a man lovingly care for his bride and see what true love looked like. I ate the best chicken and cabbage in the world that Mrs. Shaw and every other member of Galatia church brought over and it was food for my soul . The love of family and friends was overwhelming in our home and there  was a peace inside me that I came to recognize as the Holy Spirit of God and I will never be he same. We were blessed and my parents have had many years of health, grandchildren and I pray many more years to come. 

Sometimes my perspective is clouded by my feelings, impatience and selfish motives that I forget that all things work for the good. It's easy to do. I guess we can all look back in hind sight and see the blessings that we missed, but it's just not the same as knowing and grabbing ahold of the blessing when it's happening.  My prayer is that we can all start to live in a way that embraces even the bumps. I guess Bibbles will always be a special memory in the May house. 

Once again thanks for taking time to read  my thoughts . 

Jeremiah 29:11New International Version (NIV)

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Blessings, 

Paula 

Dear Satan

Here's a little piece of my mind ... So you think you can come in my home and sneak your way into the heart and mind of my children? Which, by the way, belong to Jesus Christ! I am on to you and your shananagans and let me tell you my guards not going down. You show your face on the TV, tablet, phone and radio. You come sometimes through a friend. Oh your good.. But I got your number and I will be damned if you are getting my most prized possessions . You may wanna eat your wheaties cause this mama ain't going down without a fight. See I am equipped by almighty God ! The same power that he has lives in me and I am under the authority to use it. Think I am crazy? Well maybe just crazy enough to test the word that says your days are numbered. I realize you aren't gonna give up and I am here to tell you I am not either. I will lay down my life before letting you take theirs. Atleast I know where my eternity waits. So have a great night. Stock up on some aloe vera cause your day is coming! "JESUS!!!!" Now flee!!!

Sincerely, 

Mom 

New Years Declaration

   It's that time again. Time to get the vision of what we want life to look like and vow to change our habits. New Years resolutions!! 

    So I decided to put mine in writing so I can refer to it when my life gets off balance. Here it goes. In 2015 I want to become a healthier me. Not just physically but spiritually and mentally. My plan is to start making time for myself to exercise and have devotion time. I want to read all the books I have bought that I started and never finished. I want to organize my home and say goodbye to things that just clutter up my life. I want to get my finances in order. I want to save and tithe the way I should be. I want more date nights and conversations with my husband and less Facebook. More cuddles with my children and less stressing over my house, my job, etc. I want to get more involved in Restore One, a wonderful local ministry that is helping victims of human trafficking. I want to walk with Jesus in my daily life instead of sitting him on the sidelines. I want to be more thankful, less anxious, and have more of a servants heart than ever before. I want to serve in my church better. I want to spend time with my children talking about Jesus and praying more together. I want to spend more time with my family.. My parents especially... I want to make memories that are unrushed and special with everyone I love. I want more girl time. Girlfriends suffer when you take a working girl and give her a house, husband, 2 kids, and a dog. I want to say "yes" when I should and "NO" when I should. I want to love better...everyone.. Even the ones that test me. I want to live consciously , waste less, buy less, and in the fullness of the JOY that has been heired to me for a costly price on a cross. 

     Well , as you can see I don't want much. I am going to need a lot of help with these . I hope all my friends have a wonderful New Year! Love to all of you and yours.

Paula

Psalm 20:4 ”May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.”

"Just a thought from the carpool line"

God is good! When you are in line with his heart he can take you to a place where you can't hold hate for others anymore.. He will teach you how to love even those who you don't agree with or understand. We all fail at looking like Jesus in our daily walk.. But we should never quit trying to be the light.. There are a million people who are waiting to criticize you .. Find fault with you and twist truths to condemn you so they can live any way they want to.Faith is not an easy task these days. That's why the bible talks much about how the world will hate you as a believer. It's hard not to react in these moments.. Just remember the war has already been won! If God is for you then who can stand against! Blessings,

Paula 

You don't "like" me?

Have you noticed that today's technology is centered around the word "like"? Well my obsession with the word "like" started long before Facebook invented a button for it. I have spent a good amount of time and energy over the past 38 years in the people pleasing business. After all , I have been doing hair almost 20 years and my job is pleasing. Imagine my disappointment when I learned that I can't please everyone. I can recall in my early years as a stylist lying in bed wondering if Jane, a made up person, liked her hair cut. Another time I recall I offended a long term friend as she took what was meant to be a compliment as an insult... Of course I did not know this til 2 years after since she no longer spoke to me. I could not understand how one phrase could end a friendship of 19 years. 

Now, that I am an official adult you would think life would be easier, but even now this mother, wife , daughter, salon owner and stylist still finds time to dwell on the the ones who don't like me. 

 

If we are all honest we want the approval of others and some of us may even be addicted . Have you ever compared yourself to someone? Envy their success and their seemingly "having it together"? I found myself doing just that this week. I was watching a YouTube video of famous  Christian speaker, Beth Moore, thinking wow..everyone loves her. She's funny, really cute , so intelligent & she has God's direct phone number. After listening to her I saw she had several comments below and something just made me click on the list and low and behold I was taken back and really sickened by the rude judgmental comments I read. That's when it clicked... If Beth let the negative opinions of others stick to her it would paralyze her for the calling of sharing the Gospel she is so passionate about. I was ready to go to bat for her but hating confrontation I avoided adding to the heated discussion. 

So I made a list of lies the enemy has sold me... Bought with lots of my valuable time. I then found a scripture that counteracts the lie. 

Lie#1 To be a good Christian everybody has to like you. 

This is such a dangerous lie because as I mentioned earlier it's impossible. If we find our worth in this will ultimately wind up not measuring up. 

Galatians 1:10 

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Lie#2 .. If I am a good Christian I must like everyone. 

This too is a dangerous lie because it may lead to un genuine gestures that are more guilt ridden than from a heart of love.  It is unrealistic to believe that you will be friends with everyone. But the word tells us that we must LOVE one another. Forgive one another as we are forgiven. This does not mean we have to be besties . 

1 John 4:8 

Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Lie# 3 .. You have to be perfect for God to use you for his kingdom. 

Ever think to yourself .. Wow! I blew it!? I was put to the test and I blew it...literally. You just exploded and it was a reaction and pity party that left you wishing you could go back and play the cool , calm and collected one? Why would God want to use me? Maybe I am a fake? Well I have been there and have asked God search my heart many times over it. The answer is pride.. It's pride that would have us believe that our performance has any affect on what God can do in and through us. Nothing about us is perfect...EVER!! Except for JESUS!! Remember , there is a battle and  it's not flesh and blood. Sometimes we are not gonna get it right, but God's grace is there to cover us and teach us for future situations. He can use our mess for a message.

 New International Version

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

Lie #4... You can have more than one BEST friend .

I always have had several best friends for different reasons. I could never pick just one. I am blessed with real friends who love me in spite if myself and I am so thankful to God for them. But, through life I have learned that people will let you down and sometimes you just need to fall into the arms of the one who knows you best. After all, he created you.

John 15:15 

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.

Last but not least....

Lie # 5... You will be alone.

This perhaps is the biggest fear of all. That we would be shunned forever by our peers, ourselves, our family , and even worse God. Satan loves this lie because if he can make you believe it then all your joy, peace and happiness is gone allowing depression , anxiety and loads of guilt to rob you of all your life was intended to be. 

Joshua 1:9 

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” 

Blessings,

Paula