Eden's Question

     It's 8:00 in a Sunday evening. I am scurrying around trying to get unpacked from a weekend away and brace myself for Monday. It's getting dark earlier lately so when I told Eden it was time for bed it went unquestioned. Thank goodness because if I can get everyone down by 9:00 that means I may actually have a little time to wind down before bed. You know the ritual. Faith was ready to be tucked in upstairs. Eden wanted to read me a bedtime devotional which is good for my thirtsty soul. Something about hearing a 7 year old voice reading me a simple verse or story is calming and puts me in a childlike state where life was much simpler. As she reads my mind goes to a family who is facing the terrifying consequences of a tragic accident, threatening the lives of both their daughters. I try to stop my mind from racing and look at her face and freeze time. These are the little moments I miss often while trying to achieve a "Super Mom" status.. Which by the way I have finally succumbed to the idea that perfection is overrated and I am fast approaching 40 and have finally had that revelation!! 

    So after the devotion we start to pray for this family and I tell her I love her more than anything in the whole world. Then comes the question..." Don't you love Jesus more than me?" I hesitated... Well of course I love Jesus more... I felt a bit guilt ridden because it sounded really good but something in my spirit hesitated. So I backtracked a bit. "Well Eden you know, I sometimes put you before Jesus. Sometimes I have a hard time imagining that I could love God more than you and Faith, I know he made me and he made you and if it were not for him neither of us would be here, but the truth is I need to love God more than I do. I guess to some degree I have worshipped you above him."

     She seemed  to understand my confession and we talked about it a bit.

I think it's a struggle a lot of us have in our daily lives. We make time for our children, family, friends and jobs. We barely have time for ourselves and God is often an afterthought or an emergency button we push in a crisis. So I left the room with a nudge from the Holy Spirit. He often uses children to teach us. This is a question we should ask ourselves often. At my home church Saturday I had a conversation with Herman. Herman is a super close family friend who I grew up with as I was best friends with his daughter. He told me when he wakes in the middle of the night he reads his bible  and prays for everyone. But it was more than that. He wasn't bragging. It was like he just could not get enough of Jesus. He talked in such a way that I could not even relate. Don't get me wrong I have had that before but I couldn't recall the last time. 

     I made a commitment in the quiet walls holding a tiny little hand last night. So I ask you. Do you love him first? 

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' (NIV, Mark 12:28-30)