Eden's Question

     It's 8:00 in a Sunday evening. I am scurrying around trying to get unpacked from a weekend away and brace myself for Monday. It's getting dark earlier lately so when I told Eden it was time for bed it went unquestioned. Thank goodness because if I can get everyone down by 9:00 that means I may actually have a little time to wind down before bed. You know the ritual. Faith was ready to be tucked in upstairs. Eden wanted to read me a bedtime devotional which is good for my thirtsty soul. Something about hearing a 7 year old voice reading me a simple verse or story is calming and puts me in a childlike state where life was much simpler. As she reads my mind goes to a family who is facing the terrifying consequences of a tragic accident, threatening the lives of both their daughters. I try to stop my mind from racing and look at her face and freeze time. These are the little moments I miss often while trying to achieve a "Super Mom" status.. Which by the way I have finally succumbed to the idea that perfection is overrated and I am fast approaching 40 and have finally had that revelation!! 

    So after the devotion we start to pray for this family and I tell her I love her more than anything in the whole world. Then comes the question..." Don't you love Jesus more than me?" I hesitated... Well of course I love Jesus more... I felt a bit guilt ridden because it sounded really good but something in my spirit hesitated. So I backtracked a bit. "Well Eden you know, I sometimes put you before Jesus. Sometimes I have a hard time imagining that I could love God more than you and Faith, I know he made me and he made you and if it were not for him neither of us would be here, but the truth is I need to love God more than I do. I guess to some degree I have worshipped you above him."

     She seemed  to understand my confession and we talked about it a bit.

I think it's a struggle a lot of us have in our daily lives. We make time for our children, family, friends and jobs. We barely have time for ourselves and God is often an afterthought or an emergency button we push in a crisis. So I left the room with a nudge from the Holy Spirit. He often uses children to teach us. This is a question we should ask ourselves often. At my home church Saturday I had a conversation with Herman. Herman is a super close family friend who I grew up with as I was best friends with his daughter. He told me when he wakes in the middle of the night he reads his bible  and prays for everyone. But it was more than that. He wasn't bragging. It was like he just could not get enough of Jesus. He talked in such a way that I could not even relate. Don't get me wrong I have had that before but I couldn't recall the last time. 

     I made a commitment in the quiet walls holding a tiny little hand last night. So I ask you. Do you love him first? 

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' (NIV, Mark 12:28-30)

Embrace the Bump!

Today was the day. The day we finally said good-bye to "Bibbles". Well over 7 months ago my youngest, Eden, got a little bump on her face. It actually looked like a zit. Like the little white kind that make a bump popping woman like me crazy just to look at it. Eden guarded herself against me if I even looked at it wrong. I guess you could say she had trust issues probably because she witnessed me torturing  her sister at the sight of any blemishes. I don't know where my obsession with this started but I just never could stand the thought of leaving one to go away without my efforts to relieve the puss on the other side. Gross I know , but stay with me...

God spoke to me today and reminded me of how even life's aggravating situations are not by mistake.  We all strive to get our lives in order just the way we want them and it never fails... Just when we think we've finally got it all together there it is.."BUMP".  

We all have had bumps to deal with and the more we try to deal with them on our own the worse it gets. I believe there is a purpose in the bumps in our lives. Bibbles for example landed my daughter a trampoline and  a barbie.(Don't judge me for bribing. I have a real problem!) I had to try to pop it before seeking a professional after all I am a pro! It also gave me a great excuse to work a half day and leave early for the appointment which led to a lunch with my baby and my husband at Chick Fil A before the divine appointment. All I could think was if it wasn't for Bibbles I would be working missing this blessing of the here and now. God used this opportunity to bless and I am so glad. Eden got picked on and almost everyone asked her about Bibbles yet she handled it with grace. She learned tolerance and compassion and did not let it get to her. 

When I was just 11 my mom got cancer. 2 years later my dad got cancer and somewhere in between my Grandmother passed while living with us. I was too young to understand the fear that was penetrating through the brick mortar of our home. While I hated seeing my parents sick it was one of the sweetest times in our family. I got to see a man lovingly care for his bride and see what true love looked like. I ate the best chicken and cabbage in the world that Mrs. Shaw and every other member of Galatia church brought over and it was food for my soul . The love of family and friends was overwhelming in our home and there  was a peace inside me that I came to recognize as the Holy Spirit of God and I will never be he same. We were blessed and my parents have had many years of health, grandchildren and I pray many more years to come. 

Sometimes my perspective is clouded by my feelings, impatience and selfish motives that I forget that all things work for the good. It's easy to do. I guess we can all look back in hind sight and see the blessings that we missed, but it's just not the same as knowing and grabbing ahold of the blessing when it's happening.  My prayer is that we can all start to live in a way that embraces even the bumps. I guess Bibbles will always be a special memory in the May house. 

Once again thanks for taking time to read  my thoughts . 

Jeremiah 29:11New International Version (NIV)

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Blessings, 

Paula 

Dear Satan

Here's a little piece of my mind ... So you think you can come in my home and sneak your way into the heart and mind of my children? Which, by the way, belong to Jesus Christ! I am on to you and your shananagans and let me tell you my guards not going down. You show your face on the TV, tablet, phone and radio. You come sometimes through a friend. Oh your good.. But I got your number and I will be damned if you are getting my most prized possessions . You may wanna eat your wheaties cause this mama ain't going down without a fight. See I am equipped by almighty God ! The same power that he has lives in me and I am under the authority to use it. Think I am crazy? Well maybe just crazy enough to test the word that says your days are numbered. I realize you aren't gonna give up and I am here to tell you I am not either. I will lay down my life before letting you take theirs. Atleast I know where my eternity waits. So have a great night. Stock up on some aloe vera cause your day is coming! "JESUS!!!!" Now flee!!!

Sincerely, 

Mom