"That Crazy Pageant Mom"

So... it's been a while since I have written. 9 days at Miss NC Pageant glamour, brings me home to the reality of a working mother. Yet today after 5 loads of laundry, toilet cleaning, and unpacking, I am overcome with the appreciation of home and coffee just the way I like it. I wore my pj's til 3:00 and boy it felt amazing. It left me to ponder about the race called my life, and who am I really running it for.
     While at the pageant another pageant mom wrote on my Facebook page that I was a perfect  "pageant mom". I appreciate her kind words, but it made me think , "OH MY!! I AM A PAGEANT MOM!!! what does this mean?? I am not sure that I want that label.
      You see, when you get 100 girls together, their daughters,  their hairdressers, and their coaches, you learn real quick that when the one girl leaves with the crown, someone is not gonna like it. It doesn't matter who she is or how close to perfect, someone will find fault, even if it's that they did not like their dress. I saw a lot of disappointed girls, rightly so, it cost thousands of dollars, hours, and sweat and tears to get to this level of competition, but what I saw that made my heart happy, was the sisterhood of the bonds these ladies had formed and the ability to be happy for each other.
    I am realizing my reaction to my daughters performance plays such a big part in how she will react. I love the quote from the movie Secretariat, "It doesn't matter if they think we won, what matters is if we think we won". This is what I have taught my girls.... All you can do is the best you can with what you have brought and if you leave knowing you did your best, then you have won! If you fall on your face, then you learn and it will make you better prepared the next go round.
    I just wanna run after whatever dream God has for my life and that's all I want for Faith and Eden. That no matter what dream they chase it will lead them closer to their God and his divine plan and purpose. I went out for Mrs. NC a number of times and did not bring home the crown, but I showed my girls that I was willing to face my fears and chase a dream. You know what? Each time I came out stronger than before and with a new handful of girlfriends who I cherish so much. God was able to use these opportunities to strengthen me for something bigger...something I know he is guiding me to in his way and time. I don't know about being a perfect "Pageant Mom", but I do have a perfect one guiding me. Sometimes we just need to sit back and let go, and trust him with our children and his plan for them. Easier said than done...
 
 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him."-Jeremiah 17:7

 

The Empty Chair

•         "The Empty Chair"

Wow.. My first official blog post. In the shower this morning I was hoping for a breakthrough word from God that I could share that would somehow qualify me for this new found hobby and well ... I got nothing. In fact I almost got out of the shower without shaving one whole entire leg. The point in my telling you this is I am just a rookie who really is hardly ever grammatically correct. So be prepared in advance to cut me some slack. 

I have been dealing with anxiety lately, worrying about work, middle school for Faith is fast approaching , but one thing that has been on my mind lately is the thought of losing loved ones. I lost my Grandmother a few weeks ago and it has been hard to imagine that she is gone. I have not been home since and part of me feels it will make it official that there will be an empty chair . My heart will sink at the thought of facing this reality. My mind reels at how this really is not our eternal home.

Before her death we had several moments that were so special. She told stories (often the same ones over and over).  For at least 20 years I have loved sitting in the antique chair in her living room. It is a Victorian princess chair. Anyway, I have told her forever that I loved that chair. She promised me that when she was gone it would be mine and I would say " hush up!!". I did not like speaking of things in a morbid way.  

At her bedside ,in a comma state, I whispered in her ear that I would put that chair in my room and I would never forget our lovely talks. On Memorial Day, my Daddy arrived at my home with my chair and boy did it hit me. What I would give now for a chat in that little house with the smell of a kerosene heater, and Young and The Restless playing on the tube.

Let's not forget today to embrace what really is important! We all have a divine appointment oneday! 

I am a wife to Wayne, Mother to Faith and Eden, Salon owner and stylist. I have a lot of plates spinning. Sometimes it seems it's all I can do to even make time for a shower. The funny thing is, I have noticed that when I am in the shower is when I finally relax and God & I have our best conversations. The noise fades and I almost always come out with a new perspective. I have learned that from the shower to the carpool line that our lives are so busy we have to take advantage of every moment we can to spend with Jesus. I love sharing my stories of what God has impressed upon me with my daughters. My oldest encouraged me to write a blog. I am not a bible scholar, but I know Jesus. I love sharing him with others.